She Rather Likes it in Hell
Madison is a scared, wimpy, grown woman that lives with a beautiful, enlightened little girl in her body. Being middle-aged, Madison is damned happy to be unhappy. She rather likes it in hell because it’s easier than being happy. Complaining about everything, everyone and especially not being young anymore.
Oh sure, she tried to make a good show of developing joy, actually faking it so The Little Girl could be happy. But truly, living in the chaos of complaints and processing mixed-messages is so much easier than taking on the responsibility to live a life that expresses love.
“I’m going to start calling you ol’Bitty!” The Little Girl exclaims. “I’m sad and beginning to get mad that you are not following through with our agreement. I’m warning you. You don’t want me mad, I say.”
“Oh shut up. I don’t need you and your babbling on and on about making a stupid decision for peace of mind. We did that along time ago. I did all the work, studies, and lessons of just about every recovery process around. What did it get me? Well?”
Crickets. “Yeah, just like I thought. Nothing. What would make anyone want to so-call ‘wake up’ anyway. It’s bloody stupid, I say. Besides, I have done well at fighting tooth-n-nail, even struggling to not live with Heaven on Earth. I know that’s your goal, Heaven on Earth, such hogwash. Besides, who are you anyway but a silly little girl. I don’t have to listen to you.”
“To be honest, you do need to listen to me. I’m trying to save your life Madison ol’Bitty!” Yelling to get her attention. “Just what do you think is happening? Your struggling is getting more chaotic because I am choosing to live a different way. I’m pushing this. You like the struggle so that’s how we will play this. You’re not going to like it. But I will FIGHT for you whether you want it or not.”
“Fine, whatever. I actually prefer the comfy cave of hell. I have gallantly fought you and have come to like the torment. You can’t make me any more than you already have. So there! Jeeze, listen to me! She has me arguing with myself out loud even. I’m sparing like a five year old with an imaginary, what? What do I call you? Oh never mind, just shut up, I’m done with you. Whatever you are.”
The Little Girl is silent to ol’Bitty and says to herself, “We need to figure another way. What we need here is a miracle. A really big one! Heaven, will you help me help her break the stupid cycle of liking hell? Please and thank you!”
Later that day, Madison’s Mom calls to say hello. “Hi dear, I’m calling to check in on you! How are you my beautiful daughter?”
“What for? I’m not beautiful. I’m sick of you calling anytime you want to. It’s a waste of time. Nothing has changed since you called a few hours ago. We don’t have anything to talk about. Aren’t your busy at work? You need to call and bug me? What for?”
“Wow, aren’t you the cranky monster of all time? What’s got you in such a state?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Nope, not going there with you.”
Silence for many moments. Mom’s blood pressure is rising again as it usually does with Madison. She is and has been beside herself for years as what to do with this challenging daughter of hers. Her anger at the world, the depression that torments her is
not the way to live. She has tried to get her to understand that we all only have two choices, love or fear. She has paid for courses for her daughter to find the positive in life. To no avail. At her wits-end she finally speaks, surprising herself in a steady and calm manner despite her own anger rising.
“You will not talk to me in that manner anymore. I have had it with you, your tantrums and anger at the world. I am done with you resenting me after all I have done for you. You have complained and have woed enough about how unfair your life is. You have done this to yourself and yourself only. There are no more reasons for you to continue this way. You are to go outside this very minute, kneel down, look up and be grateful to God. You are not to question or resist this demand Madison. You are to do as I say. I am hanging up now.”
The Little Girl is thrilled and is ready to do as she is told. But ol’Bitty is too damned proud and
can’t believe her mother talked to her that way. Enraged and pacing like a caged animal she spouts out loud, “Who does she think she is? Resentment, what the hell does that mean? How have I resented her? Sure, she has given me stuff. Money and help. Support too. But resentment? This is so stupid. I’m not going to embarrass myself outside where people will see me kneeling. To what? God? I don’t believe. Damn it, who does she think she is?”
Some how, some way, The Little Girl pushes her way to get Ol’Bitty out the door. She pushes even harder to get her down on both knees. Now nothing is improbable for God and His, so as any nice story will tell, comes TheMiracle and The Little Girl is ever so happy.
The sky is as black as black can be with storm clouds despite it being high noon. An impending downpour brews, as the winds howl like screaming banshees to scare any and all about. Suddenly the noise halts, still and the impossible made possible. A perfect ray of light shines right on her, just like in the movies. Think Moses on the mountain and the Testaments. It is a most impossible opening to be sure from the mass of dark, heavy and thick cloud cover. But never-the-less, the light spear is bright and straight as an arrow onto her face.
Well, this certainly gets ol’Bitty’s attention. It’s as if her negative drama is out matched with light. She in in awe. Her raw emotion is palpable with dismay and overwhelm, she can only cry. Then it is gone just as quickly as it came. The sky closes with bolts of lightning and thunders of roar heralding the downpour. She picks her weary self up and makes her way to her front door. Inside, she looks out the window, can she really believe what just happened? How could she not? And so begins the surrender.
The Little Girl is happy to reign in enlightenment and joy. Bringing challenge and balance into a true paradigm shift. She has helped Madison to a happy way of life after all the provocations that maybe were or were not necessary of tried truths:
-you really don’t have to ‘hit rock-bottom’ to ‘get it’, unless you want to
-joy can be had at any time, in a heartbeat
-sometimes dying, without really dying, is a good thing to get back on track